So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize