Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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