Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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