i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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