u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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