So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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