That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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