she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize