where am i from again
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
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I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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