he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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