Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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