when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize