I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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