Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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