an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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