Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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