Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize