Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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