I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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