one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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