Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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