I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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