He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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