I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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