she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
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worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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