I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize