Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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