meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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