we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
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Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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