After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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