I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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