4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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