He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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