Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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