It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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