Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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