the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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