oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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