this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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