the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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