My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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