so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize