I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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