Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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