I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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