I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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