just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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