Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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