so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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