I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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